The True Story of the Garden of Eden

What actually happened that day in-a-gadda-da-vida (dontcha know what I mean?):…

Scene: Snake is flicking his tongue at a small mammal cowering under a leaf. Eve enters, Garden left.

Eve: Hey, Snake!

Snake: Wha? Who’s that?

Eve: It’s me, Eve!

Snake: Eve who? Eve Black? Eve White? or that other Eve?

Eve: Snake! Give yourself a shake, Snake! This is the Garden of Eden, remember? One man. One woman. One snake. No last names (to protect the innocent, namely Adam and you).

Snake: Oh yeah. Sorry… was thinking of a different play.

Eve: Okay, Snake… listen up. See this tree?

Snake (squinting, snake-like): um… I guess so.

Eve: Isn’t this the Tree of Knowledge?

Snake: If you say so, Babe.

Eve: Isn’t this the one God warned us not to touch?

Snake: Sorry… I overslept and missed that meeting.

Eve: Well, take my word for it… it is.

Snake: Whatever, Babe.

Eve: Well, anyhoo… Have you seen these things growing on the Tree of Knowledge?

Snake: Eve? Have you noticed that I’m like maybe one and a half inches tall? It’s kind of a stretch to look way up in the damn tree!

Eve: Stop whining… it’s a nice fruit. I think I’ll call it an apple.

Snake: Fine… whatever.

Eve: Have you ever tasted an apple?

Snake: Babe – try to stay with me here. I eat reptiles, small mammals like mice, the occasional bird, and insects. Do I look like the fruity type?

Eve: I don’t know the answer to that, I’m afraid. We haven’t even discovered heterosexuality yet….

Snake: Eve, don’t take this the wrong way, but you are one very strange dudette.

Eve: Thanks, Snake! I appreciate the recognition. Now listen… do you think apples taste good?

Snake: Eve! I eat mice and frogs! What the dickens would I know about fruit?

Eve: Well I think they would taste great. Do you think I should eat one?

Snake: What am I? Loblaws? Farm Boy? A&P? Suit yourself?

Eve: Okay I will…

Eve picks an apple and takes a bite…

God: WHAT THE??!!!?? Eve? Did you eat of the Fruit from the Tree of Knowledge?

Eve: It was Snake’s idea! I told him we shouldn’t but he insisted! Yikes! Why am I naked?

…and the rest of the story you know…

(c) David J. Baxter, 2003
All rights reserved.

humor

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3 Comments

  1. Freddy GuyMarch 31, 2006 at 7:34 pm

    Well, as it says in the bible that if you take one word or alter it in any way then you will be punished on judgement day.

    I could say more but you get the drift.

  2. It’s called “humor”, Freddy. And looking around this planet and back at our history here, I think it highly likely that God must have quite a keen sense of humor. I’m really not worried about being punished on Judgement Day because I also have one.

  3. LOL That was too funny 😀
    tbh I like this version more 😉

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