The True Story of the Garden of Eden

What actually happened that day in-a-gadda-da-vida (dontcha know what I mean?):…

Scene: Snake is flicking his tongue at a small mammal cowering under a leaf. Eve enters, Garden left.

Eve: Hey, Snake!

Snake: Wha? Who’s that?

Eve: It’s me, Eve!

Snake: Eve who? Eve Black? Eve White? or that other Eve?

Eve: Snake! Give yourself a shake, Snake! This is the Garden of Eden, remember? One man. One woman. One snake. No last names (to protect the innocent, namely Adam and you).

Snake: Oh yeah. Sorry… was thinking of a different play.

Eve: Okay, Snake… listen up. See this tree?

Snake (squinting, snake-like): um… I guess so.

Eve: Isn’t this the Tree of Knowledge?

Snake: If you say so, Babe.

Eve: Isn’t this the one God warned us not to touch?

Snake: Sorry… I overslept and missed that meeting.

Eve: Well, take my word for it… it is.

Snake: Whatever, Babe.

Eve: Well, anyhoo… Have you seen these things growing on the Tree of Knowledge?

Snake: Eve? Have you noticed that I’m like maybe one and a half inches tall? It’s kind of a stretch to look way up in the damn tree!

Eve: Stop whining… it’s a nice fruit. I think I’ll call it an apple.

Snake: Fine… whatever.

Eve: Have you ever tasted an apple?

Snake: Babe – try to stay with me here. I eat reptiles, small mammals like mice, the occasional bird, and insects. Do I look like the fruity type?

Eve: I don’t know the answer to that, I’m afraid. We haven’t even discovered heterosexuality yet….

Snake: Eve, don’t take this the wrong way, but you are one very strange dudette.

Eve: Thanks, Snake! I appreciate the recognition. Now listen… do you think apples taste good?

Snake: Eve! I eat mice and frogs! What the dickens would I know about fruit?

Eve: Well I think they would taste great. Do you think I should eat one?

Snake: What am I? Loblaws? Farm Boy? A&P? Suit yourself?

Eve: Okay I will…

Eve picks an apple and takes a bite…

God: WHAT THE??!!!?? Eve? Did you eat of the Fruit from the Tree of Knowledge?

Eve: It was Snake’s idea! I told him we shouldn’t but he insisted! Yikes! Why am I naked?

…and the rest of the story you know…

(c) David J. Baxter, 2003
All rights reserved.


3 Replies to “The True Story of the Garden of Eden”

  1. Well, as it says in the bible that if you take one word or alter it in any way then you will be punished on judgement day.

    I could say more but you get the drift.

  2. It’s called “humor”, Freddy. And looking around this planet and back at our history here, I think it highly likely that God must have quite a keen sense of humor. I’m really not worried about being punished on Judgement Day because I also have one.

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